


Catching Feelings

by the3ofchalices



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dance partners to lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the3ofchalices/pseuds/the3ofchalices
Summary: “I just – I want to be the best duet partner for you, man,” Willy says.“You are,” Auston says.“I mean, Zach or – or – anyone else would be just as good too.”“I don’t think I can lift Zach, that wouldn’t work,” Auston grins.“I don’t know. It would be interesting to see a duet with two bigger guys. Like you guys look good together.” The tension is back. But this time Auston feels it in the air, on Zach’s empty bed on the other side of the room, in his stomach. Anticipation.“Are you and Zach together?” Willy asks.





	Catching Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> the ballets parts are based on my very little research on google and my faded but fond memories from ballet class as a small child. the Grand Prix is a real thing, but i changed a lot of details. i hope that Freddie actually leads a secret life where he is a pro acro dancer.
> 
> thank you to S & G for helping me make this happen xoxo
> 
> check the end for less happy notes

Ch 1

As Auston takes his ballet slippers off, he hears a sniffle next to him. The back of Willy’s neck is very flushed. Auston can’t see his face because Willy is focusing his attention on trying to find something at the bottom of his bag. The shorter pieces of hair around his face are sweaty and a little frizzy, something that never happens to Willy’s hair. But he doesn’t move them away from his face. Socks. That’s what Willy was looking for. And now Auston realizes he has been staring for way too long and he quickly looks back down at his feet and starts putting his clothes into his bag. He hears a bag zipping up very aggressively and a bit of stomping around as Willy starts to put his boots on as fast as humanly possible. Auston can’t help it, he looks over again. Auston leans back on his hands and can see that Willy’s whole face is flushed and that a piece of Willy’s hair has gotten caught on the corner of his mouth. Willy doesn’t move it and doesn’t look at Auston either.

Sniffle. Willy realizes he forgot to put something in his bag, sighs very loudly, unzips his bag, shoves it in, and closes it again. 

Auston reaches up and pushes the lock of blond hair behind his ear. Willy’s cheek is really soft. 

Willy freezes and inhales sharply, but doesn’t move away. 

“You had hair in your mouth”, Auston mumbles quietly. 

“Thanks.” 

It looks like Willy wants to say more, but he doesn’t. Auston doesn’t either. Willy pulls his hood up as high as it will go and without looking up scurries his way out of the room. Auston’s only been here for a few months but he’s never seen Willy that affected before. 

*

Mike Babcock is a pretty strict coach and he’s never really that gentle with any of them when giving constructive criticism. Willy is much better at not taking things personally than Auston. Like insanely good at it. Nothing ever seems to bother him or catch him off guard. Willy can be a total wreck during rehearsal sometimes, slipping and falling, having terrible feet, and forgetting choreography, yet still whisper to Auston while they’re changing, “man, that jump I did was embarrassing,” with a stifled giggle. He usually tends to mess up the simple things, the stuff that coaches have been drilling into them since they were 5 years old, yet he can perform the most beautiful grand pirouette Auston has ever seen. Turns are just Willy’s thing. His face lights up with a smile, his ponytail whips around every 360 degrees, his outstretched leg never falters, and even his feet look decent. 

Willy has the strongest legs Auston has ever seen. Once during rehearsal, Willy thought it would be funny to try out Auston’s part in their duet which meant doing all the lifts. He actually did pretty okay. Obviously he wasn’t able to lift him completely above his head, but he only dropped Auston once. He made a loud “oof” sound when Auston collapsed on top of him and accidently elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Are you okay?” Auston asks while rubbing a sore shoulder. 

“You’re so goddamn heavy.”

“Shut up, it’s so that I can lift your fat ass,” Auston says punching him in the shoulder. 

“You like my butt Matty, admit it.”

“I’ve seen better.”

“You suck.”

“Wow, great chirp Willy.” Willy grabs at Auston’s tights and yanked. 

“Stop that, you’re going to break them,” Auston grabs both of Willy’s wrists and pins him to the ground. Willy’s grinning very wide, tongue sticking out between his teeth. Willy’s chest is rising and falling very steadily and all of a sudden there is this calmness between the two of them and it gives Auston butterflies in his stomach, like he is anticipating something. Suddenly he feels Willy bending his leg up between them and kicking him hard in the stomach to push him off. The butterflies evaporate. 

“Fuck you man,” Auston groans. 

Auston only got to Canada’s National Ballet School less than 3 months ago after spending the last year training in France. He knows that this is a big step towards his future career in dance and is opening the door to The National Ballet. The transition to a new country and to a new school wasn’t that hard considering the fact he was already good friends with his roommate, Zach Werenski, and that Willy took him in right away. 

During their first rehearsal with their team, they had warmed up with improv. It only took about 30 seconds when Auston was in the midst of a développé, right leg straight up above his shoulder, before he heard a little voice behind him saying “catch me”. The next thing Auston knew, he had lowered his leg and he was holding Willy’s waist as Willy bent forward into a beautiful penché. Babcock was watching them quietly, but when he cut the music, he pointed at the two of them and said “you’re both doing a pas de deux at the Grand Prix next February.” Holy shit. This meant that Auston and Willy would be duet partners for the next 6 months in preparation for probably the most important competition they would be a part of next year: the World Ballet Art Competition Grand Prix. Auston was elated that he had already made a good first impression on his coach, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t excited to be partners with Willy because William Nylander was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. They seemed to have natural chemistry while dancing, and later after eating takeout in Willy’s dorm, realised they had the same taste in video games and movies too. 

But as much as they had natural chemistry, sometimes Willy had bad rehearsals. It happens, Auston doesn’t mind. Willy is always buzzing with energy and loves to improvise to try to make their pas de deux the best it can possibly be. Sometimes this works and sometimes it works less well. Whatever. They still have almost two months before the competition. 

But today, Willy was particularly clumsy in rehearsal and couldn’t get into the right position during their Giselle lift. Giselle lifts are the demon of all lifts. Auston has to grab onto Willy’s hips and lift him into a horizontal position over his head in one swift motion as if Willy is weightless. They can do this part pretty well. The exit of the lift, which involves Auston bringing Willy’s body weight in front of him and lowering Willy down in the same quick motion is usually where Willy can’t keep his balance. Most of the time, they get it after a few tries and it’s fine. But today, Willy couldn’t stop squirming and it was making it harder for Auston to bring him down. 

“Let’s do it again,” Babcock says as he helps Auston lower Willy so that he wouldn’t fall and hurt himself. “Willy, keep your hips square with your shoulders, tummy tight.”

Auston could tell that Willy was getting tired, they had been at this for 10 minutes already and every lift was taking more out of him. Of course, the lifter has to do a lot of the hard work for these positions, but the one being lifted has to be strong enough to hold a position midair and stay calm. Of course Auston’s arms were starting to burn, but he didn’t care. He was more worried about Willy because Willy was starting to panic. 

“Wanna get a running start?” Auston suggests. 

“Sure.” Willy was looking at the floor. He sniffled and pushed the hair out of his face. His cheeks were all red. He counted his steps as he moved away from Auston, turned around and kept looking at the floor. 

“On my count, okay?” Auston wanted Willy to look at him, jumping blindly was not going to help. Willy looked at the space right above Auston’s head and started running. One, two, three, steps, Auston secures his hips and lifts. Auston could feel Willy shaking. 

“Good, stay up there Willy,” Bab’s encourages. Willy’s breathing was getting uneven and he wouldn’t stay still. 

“I’ve got you, it’s okay,” Auston tries to reassure him. 

“Just put me down,” Willy practically mumbles. 

“We’re fine, we’re just –“

“I said put me down!” Willy snaps. Auston lowers him into his arms. Willy not so discretely wiggles his way out, arms crossed, breathing hard, still looking at the floor. 

“I think that’s enough for today boys. But this lift is important. It sets the tone for the second half of the routine. You need to get it down as soon as possible. Rest up and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Babcock unplugged his phone from the speakers, grabbed his coat and left them alone. That’s when they went to get dressed and Willy had a fight with his duffle zipper and Auston was weird and brushed the hair out of his mouth instead of talking like a normal person. 

*

A few hours later, there was a knock on Auston’s door. Zach was out to dinner with his family who was visiting from Ann Arbor and Auston had just been watching a movie on his laptop. He opens the door to find Willy in sweats, eyes a little red. He has takeout cluttered in his hands. 

“I don’t know if you’ve eaten yet. Do you like Indian food? I guess I should have asked if you have allergies before buying this, like we can get something else if –” 

Auston grabs some of the containers before they fall on the ground, “I’m not allergic to anything, come in.”

*

“So um…Babs was pretty rough on you today.” Auston doesn’t know if Willy is here because he wants to talk about it or because he wants to not think about it, but he figures that he should at least open the door?

“Ya. I mean it was my fault. I was a shit partner today,” Willy says before stabbing at some butter chicken. Auston reaches out and touches Willy’s elbow. It feels like the right thing to do? Willy stops chewing and looks up at Auston. He looks really tired right now. And small. Auston hates that. He spent a good part of the afternoon literally lifting Willy up but all that ended up doing was bring Willy down. 

“No you weren’t, he was just putting a lot of pressure on you. That never helps.” Willy is breathing in and out of his nose a little too fast maybe. He clears his throat. Willy’s just having a bad day, that’s why he is sensitive about this. 

“You have pressure too and you never cave.”

“That’s not true.”

“You’re a lot better at the being consistent thing than I am.”

“But half of the reason our duet looks so good is because of you. You’re better at taking risks than I am.”

Willy scoffs and smiles easy like a bit of tension just eased out of him. Auston is still holding onto his arm. He squeezes a little. “Willy we’re gonna figure it out.”

“I just – I want to be the best duet partner for you, man.” 

“You are.”

“I mean, Zach or – or – anyone else would be just as good too.”

“I don’t think I can lift Zach, that wouldn’t work,” Auston grins. 

“I don’t know. It would be interesting to see a duet with two bigger guys. Like you guys look good together.” The tension is back. But this time Auston feels it in the air, on Zach’s empty bed on the other side of the room, in his stomach. Anticipation. 

“Are you and Zach together?” Willy asks. Willy’s lips are so pink right now. He’s been chewing on them, maybe to get up the courage to ask Auston this, but now he relaxes them and Auston thinks he could just lean over. Of course he doesn’t do that. It takes Auston a second too long to realize that Willy’s question makes him a little self-conscience. 

“I mean, we’ve hooked up a couple of times, but it’s not like that,” he mutters. He doesn’t know where any of this is coming from. They’re not really the having heart-to-heart types. 

“He seems to like you a lot,” Willy says with a very even voice. 

“He’s one of my best friends,” Auston says and shovels aloo gobi into his mouth hoping to seem natural and Not Stressed. 

“How do you start sleeping with one of your best friends? Like without making it weird?” 

“What are you, asking for a friend or something?” Auston smirks and holy shit is Willy blushing?

“I don’t know. It just seems risky is all,” Willy looks at him through his eyelashes. 

“You lost me.” That seems like the safest answer. 

“Because, I don’t know – you’re such good friends. Like what if one of you decides they don’t want to hook up anymore, isn’t that gonna make things weird? What if one of you starts dating someone, what happens then?” Willy is looking everywhere but at Auston. 

“I don’t know we don’t really – have any expectations from each other? It mostly just happens when we’ve been drinking and once after we won a competition, it’s not – we’re bros. If one of us has a problem, we’ll bring it up.” Why do Willy’s questions feel so calculated? Like he planned to have this conversation?

“Ya sure but…what if…I don’t know…one of you…starts…” 

“Spit it out Will.”

“Catching feelings?” Willy finally looks up at Auston and Auston could throw up right now, but he gets distracted by blue eyes. Auston realizes he didn’t actually respond and he opens his mouth quickly as if that will help him come up with something to say. Willy starts laughing nervously. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business, I’m sure you’ve thought this through.”

Zach had been the one to kiss him first in their dorm. 

“Is this ok?” Zach had asked. Auston had said yes and kissed him back. Auston liked how strong Zach was, how firmly he grabbed onto Auston’s hips. Zach had a really good mouth. It’s like he could make up for being so quiet in his kissing. And he’s really warm. But it doesn’t bother Auston that they sleep in separate beds most nights, or that sometimes Zach sleeps somewhere else because one of his dates went well. Their hooking up is not just out of pure convenience, Auston really cares for the guy, but it’s a very chill thing. And it’s not really a secret, mostly since Mat Barzal walked in on them a few weeks ago and started wagging his eyebrows in their direction whenever Auston and Zach were in the same room.

“No, don’t worry man, it’s cool. I don’t know if I’ve thought about it that much, but it’s because it was never a serious thing? I trust Zach and I think that’s all I need?” Willy just keeps nodding. Wide eyes, listening intently, nodding, nodding, and then looks at his hands. His cheeks are pinker than they were a minute ago. 

“Ya for sure, man. As long as you’re both happy. Wanna watch a movie?” 

Auston feels like he fucked up for some reason. That’s dumb. Zach likes their arrangement too. Auston thinks he’s just overthinking this because he may have a tiny crush on Willy. And Willy’s awkwardness is most definitely just from feeling embarrassed for having asked so many personal questions. Willy’s just looking out for him, like a good bro. That’s what good bros do, make sure their bros don’t get into hook up situations that suck. There’s no way Willy is actually upset about this and that that is why he wants to change the subject. If Willy was upset, that would mean he was like jealous or some shit. There’s no way. Auston’s sure Willy gets some like all the time, he’s fine. And even if he wasn’t, he could literally have whoever he wanted. Why stop at your dance partner, you know? 

*

They fall asleep while watching the movie. Auston doesn’t remember how he got here, but he has one arm slumped over Willy’s lap and is resting his head on Willy’s stomach. He can feel a warm hand resting on the back of his neck and the stomach under him is rising up and down slowly. He should probably get up, but he can’t bring himself to do it. The movie is still playing, and he is content with watching it at this weird sideways angle, back a little sore, while he listens to Willy breathing. A few minutes later, Willy wakes with a start, hums softly, and moves his hand off of Auston’s neck. 

“Sorry man, I guess we dozed off,” he says. Auston pretends like that sentence just woke him up because it would be weird if Willy realized that Auston was already awake, right? He turns onto his back and rubs his eyes. He’s still in Willy’s lap but Willy isn’t trying to move him. 

“It was a long day.”

“I guess I should go back to my room.” Now Willy starts moving his legs so Auston has to get up. Auston accidently elbows Willy in the side and reaches out to touch the spot when he apologizes. Suddenly the room feels very hot, too hot and Willy is just staring, mouth parted.

Zach decides to come back into the room at this very second. 

“Hey um…what’s up?”

“Just finished watching a movie, Willy was just leaving.” Auston has never stood up so quickly. Willy is crawling to the edge of the bed to get down and looks up and smiles at Auston. Whatever vulnerable part of Willy that Auston has seen today seems to be completely gone. But Auston can’t stop thinking about Willy’s mouth. 

*

In preparation for the Grand Prix coming up in just over a month, they are spending the weekend competing at this local competition run by a few of Babcock’s retired friends. It’s really just to get their feet under them and to get the initial jitters out, especially for new dancers like Auston who haven’t been competing with this academy for very long. They are performing some of the dances that they will be using for the Grand Prix, but not Auston and Willy’s pas de deux. After what’s been happening in rehearsal lately with Willy, Babcock doesn’t want to create extra stress where it’s not necessary. Auston’s really happy about that decision because it means that they can actually enjoy the competition. Willy has been extremely bubbly and cracking jokes all weekend and they’ve had a lot of down time to catch up with friends that they haven’t seen for a long time. Even though this is a local competition, there are people from all over North America who have come down. Auston loves dance competitions for that. Because you only have a certain amount of routines to perform, most of it becomes just hours of sitting around waiting for your turn, so you have so much free time to hang out and –

“You must be tired because you’ve been dancing around my head all day.” Oh god. Mat Barzal is all leaned into Willy’s space with a big grin on his face. Ew, did he just wag his eyebrows?

“Coming, Auston!” Willy yells as he runs over. 

“What the fuck was that?” Auston says as he puts an arm over Willy’s shoulders and steers them away from gross Mat with his gross flirting and his too-sharp eyebrows. 

“I don’t know, he just came out of nowhere.” Willy is blushing. Auston walks them towards Connor Brown and Freddie Anderson sitting on the floor behind their racks of costumes playing poker. They’ll be safe here. 

“Fuck you Freddie,” Connor groans as Auston and Willy get settled on the floor and Freddie slides all the poker chips towards his own lap. He obviously won big time. 

“You can pay me back in shots later,” Freddie says with a shit eating grin. It’s their last night of competition and they already have plans to go out together. It’s almost become a tradition that Connor ends up paying for all of Freddie’s alcohol. Connor and Freddie start to bicker about their poker game and there’s a lot of “you always cheat”, and “no, you just suck at lying” comments. 

Willy whines next to Auston as he struggles with his bun. It’s come undone and the elastic band is all tangled up in his hair and in his fingers. 

“Auston, help.” 

“Do you have a brush or something?” 

Willy looks behind him and on either side of their legs. “uhhh…oh! Here we go.” He leans forward and groans very obnoxiously to grab his toiletries bag and pulls out a hairbrush. He hands it to Auston and scoots his butt so that he is sitting cross-legged in front of Auston. Auston spreads his legs out on either side of him and starts brushing the bun out softly. 

“Does this hurt?”

“Nope, you’re doing very well,” Willy whispers as he leans back to rest his head briefly on Auston’s shoulder to give him a smile. Auston is almost disappointed when he leans forward again. 

“Hey Freddie,” Willy says to interrupt the argument that is starting to get out of hand, “Your acro solo was amazing. I snuck into the audience to watch.” That shuts both of them up.

“Oh thanks Willy, that’s really sweet of you.” Freddie actually smiles. Leave it to William Nylander to make that happen. Willy smiles back and Auston can see from where he is sitting that Willy’s ears are all red. Auston can’t help but brush his hand over them. But he makes it look like he’s just brushing back hairs to add them to the ponytail he’s making. He hopes nobody noticed. 

“Honestly man, I don’t know how you can do that last combination without falling over,” Connor says to Freddie while shuffling the deck of cards. 

“I’m sorry, did you want to play again?” Freddie looks over and chuckles. 

“Well I mean, we have at least an hour before our next routine,” Connor says trying to be very casual. 

“You just want a rematch because you can’t stand losing to someone who has a jazz background,” Freddie punches his arm.

“I have a lot of respect for your training as a jazz dancer!” Connor yells.

“But it’s not classical, so my jumps aren’t graceful enough for you.”

“They’re just a little bit more aggressive in my humble opinion.”

“I like your jumps!” Willy chimes in. 

“I like your face,” Freddie shoots back without missing a beat. Willy beams. Auston finishes the bun and leans forward to wrap his arms around Willy’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. Willy smells like cinnamon. Auston could sit here with his friends all day. 

*

Many tequila shots later, Zach’s tongue is down Auston’s throat. Auston’s not complaining.

“You looked so good during your solo today,” Zach says right in his ear. He can feel Zach’s smile on his neck. It makes Auston think of when Willy said the same thing to Freddie earlier. Auston puts his hands on Zach’s shoulders to push him away just enough so that they can look each other in the eye. 

“Wait, you watched?” 

“Ya of course, Connor and I snuck out to see it. You were amazing!” Good friends supporting Auston like how Willy was a good friend to Freddie today. That’s all Auston can think about as he pulls Zach in for another kiss. 

“Get a room, assholes!” Mat Barzal hollers as he rams into both of them, splitting them apart.

“What the fuck, you dick!” Auston pushes back laughing. 

“Actually, we should, uh, get back home,” Zach reaches out to grab Auston by the belt.

“Gross!” Mat screeches. “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you!” 

“Ya sure,” Auston grins at Zach. “I just wanna say bye to –” Auston looks back over at the table where Willy had been sitting not too long before, but he’s not there anymore. After a quick scan of the room, he finds Willy holding Freddie’s face in his hands and smiling against his mouth. He watches as Freddie closes the gap between them by pulling on Willy’s shirt. Auston’s tummy does a weird thing. That’s not fair though, he was just kissing Zach. And Zach’s great. And Willy should be able to kiss whoever he wants. Auston mostly manages to push this out of his mind as Zach and him take an uber home. The thoughts only creep back after Zach falls asleep on his chest, as if the weight of Zach’s head is pushing up all those bad feelings again. Those dumb feelings he was dumb enough to think up in the first place. 

Auston thinks back to what Willy said, “what if one of you catches feelings?”

Auston’s starting to think maybe it’s unfair to keep sleeping with Zach.

*

Practice the next day is weird. No that’s not true, it’s just Willy’s who’s weird. Willy shows up super late for morning rehearsal. He stumbles into the room as he is fighting to get his scarf off. He is losing the battle. They’re doing bar work and have just switched legs, so Auston had to turn the other way and can’t see Willy anymore. It’s not until Willy sneaks over to Babcock, probably to apologize, when Auston hears Coach saying “Go warm up Willy,” that Auston peaks over his shoulder. Willy is staring at the floor, deer in the headlights look in his eyes, making a beeline for the bar. 

Today they have their pas de deux practice after group rehearsal. Babcock usually gives feedback to a few people before coming over to supervise their duet, so Auston and Willy have a solid 10 minutes where they are relatively alone. 

“Slept through your alarm this morning?” 

“Um ya, oopsies. Can we go over the grand jeté part?” Willy’s probably just paranoid that Coach will think he’s slacking off if he sees them chatting and wants to look productive. Fair enough. 

They have a very good practice. Their lifts are perfect and Babcock has even murmured a few “good job boys.” But Willy won’t even look at Auston in the face. And Auston thinks he might be going crazy because he is almost certain that every time he touches Willy, Willy gets a little tense. He feels him flinch once. 

“Willy, relax, you’re doing fine,” Babcock coaxes. Their getting all their positions right, but Willy feels like he’s miles away from Auston. 

When they finish, Willy doesn’t say anything while they change. Auston doesn’t even do it on purpose, he just bumps into Willy’s elbow by accident, but this time, Willy flinches unmistakably. 

“Sorry bud,” Auston says. 

“No worries, guess I’m just jumpy today,” Willy gives him a tight smile. A not genuine smile. “I’ll see you later, gotta run!” Willy is struggling with his scarf again as he bolts out of the studio.

Maybe something weird happened with Freddie last night? 

*

In their dorm later that afternoon, Zach is making piles of laundry on the ground. Auston is laying on his bed lazily scrolling through Instagram when Zach asks, “what the fuck was up with Willy today?”

Auston thinks back to Willy wrapping his arms around Freddie’s neck. And to Zach sleeping on Auston’s chest. And Willy flinching. Fucking hell. “Hungover?”

“I mean…I went up to him in the cafeteria after practice to ask him if he had seen my headphones and he yelled ‘not you’ and practically ran away. Did I do something wrong?”

“He yelled?”

“Almost. He covered his mouth at the same time so it came out a little muffled.”

“Jesus, I don’t know man.”

“Poor guy walked right into Barz without realizing it and accidently pushed Mat’s plate of pizza onto his shirt.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No. Barz just looked at him totally unimpressed and Willy started trying to peel the slices off his chest and apologizing profusely.”

“Do you have pictures?”

“Dude grow up, I think I made your friend really upset.”

“But you barely even know Willy, what could you have done?” Seriously. Auston has no idea what is going on with Willy, but it definitely has nothing to do with Zach. 

“I don’t know Matty, that’s why I was asking. You guys are super close, I thought maybe he would have told you something?” Auston just pouts at him and shrugs. Zach purses his lips and goes back to his laundry piles. He stops and bunches up a turquoise leotard in his hands, thinking hard. He is looking down at it with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with me walking in on you guys watching a movie the other night, does it?” Fuck. (“What if one of you starts catching feelings?”) Auston’s tummy does this awful twist when Zach looks up at him and the realization hits him full force. Zach deserves better. 

“Yes Z, how dare you walk in on us watching Fast and Furious.” Auston hopes that sounded like the most casual thing he has ever said. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I don’t think I do.” Auston doesn’t dare move as if that would give away what he’s thinking right now. 

“Does Willy know that we hook up sometimes?”

“Yup.”

“And he’s cool with that?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Just making sure everything is cool, I’m not here to ruffle anyone’s feathers.” Zach is the best. Auston is honestly trying to find a way to tell Zach how he’s feeling right now, but then something else hits him. After it’s too late, he realises he says it out loud.

“You and Barz, you’re the other duet possibility.”

“What?”

“If my duet with Willy gets cut for the Grand Prix, you and Barzie’s will replace ours. We’ve had a rough couple of practices with Giselles and Willy’s been a bit stressed about it, maybe he thinks – I don’t know —” 

“that I’m trying to psych him out or something? Your duet is fucking amazing, I want it to happen.”

“Z, I know that, I think Willy’s just – stressed.” Auston’s heart twists. He really thinks that this is also part of the whole mess too. But he should definitely be talking about the other thing. Auston can’t do it. 

“Z I’m sure it’s fine, I just need to help him get out of this rut and get this routine down. Sometimes it just gets hard with the private rehearsals with Babs breathing down our necks…and recently Babs breathing down Willy’s neck much more than mine…”

Zach hums and nods. “After Barzie recovered from his injury last year he totally felt the same. Way too much pressure during those private rehearsals and getting so frustrated with himself.”

“How did you guys get through it?”

“We found time to rehearse just the two of us. Maybe that would help Willy out?” 

Babcock wants to meet them before regular classes tomorrow morning, and at this point, they only have a few weeks before the Grand Prix and cannot afford to keep putting up with this awkwardness. Auston needs to fix this whole issue with Willy. Maybe they just need to get a chance to talk without any distractions. Auston will deal with the Zach situation later. 

“Great idea.”

Auston: hey are you free tonight? 

Willy: :) :) 

*

They are both lying on the wooden floor of the studio. Zach was right, practicing alone was the best decision: their routine is actually coming together well. Auston doesn’t think their lifts were ever as clean as they were tonight. And Willy’s wearing this light blue leotard that is Something Else. They have been rehearsing for almost two hours and have just finished stretching. 

“So you and Freddie, huh?” 

Willy huffs out a little laugh. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to ask.”

“He’s sweet on you.”

“No,” Willy takes a second to really think before he finishes his answer, “I don’t think so. I think we were both just drunk and we were having a good time.” Willy starts to slide his feet up and down the floor, still thinking.

“You had a good time?” Willy stops sliding his feet and looks at Auston. 

“Ya. I had a good time.” The moment feels really loaded. 

“You know, you could tell me if you didn’t, right?” Auston couldn’t describe Willy’s eyes as anything other than fond. 

“I know. But really, I had a good time, I just don’t think it will happen again.”

“That’s fair.” They fall into this comfortable silence for a while. Like they both have a lot to think about and don’t notice that the other isn’t speaking, and that that is okay. Auston finds a piece of powdered rosin on the ground and plays with it with his foot. He crushes it under his heel. 

“When I was little, I changed studios one year to a place that had wooden floors for the first time. The floor felt so different and so much more slippery, I was so afraid of falling. It took me so long to feel okay with turns again,” Willy says as he picks off a piece of lint from Auston’s leotard. He holds it in his fingers and after making eye contact with Auston, blows it right into his face. 

“Fuck off,” Auston says and shoves him away. Willy slides a little on the floor. 

“See, I told you – slippery,” Willy says, giggling. 

“Well you definitely figured it out because your turns are really g—they’re really good,” he finishes his sentence fast. 

“Can’t help but feel like you were gonna say something else,” Willy chirps. 

“I was going to say graceful, but I didn’t want it to go to your head,” he says with a glare. 

“Aus, you think I’m graceful? Aw, you’re so sweet!” Willy pokes him in the side. Auston yelps. 

“What the hell was that noise?” 

“That tickled, what did you expect?” Auston reaches out to tickle him back. Willy slaps at his hands. 

“Really? Are we really doing this?” Willy grins really wide. 

“You started it, asshole,” Auston says laughing as he gets a hand on his waist and squeezes. Willy shrieks and giggles bubble out of him. Auston pulls Willy back in, wrapping an arm around him so that he can’t escape. This is the first time Auston forgets that things have been weird between the two of them because for the first time in a while, things seem normal. Willy’s not holding back, not moving away from Auston’s touch like he has been. It’s moments like this where Auston has trouble knowing what is friendly and what is Friendly, and if he is imagining the Friendly parts. 

“Matts stop it! Fuck you!” Willy tries to wiggle out unsuccessfully. He licks Auston’s hand and Auston finally stops tickling, but he still doesn’t let go.

“Ew! You’re so disgusting!” Auston doesn’t want to let go just yet and he thinks Willy is okay with that. 

“That’s what you get!” Willy yells, he’s still laughing and breathing hard. When did Willy’s neck get so close to Auston? How can he smell so good after having danced for so long? His hair smells like soap and it’s coming out of its ponytail. It’s tickling Auston’s nose. Willy adjusts his body so that his butt is flush with Auston’s hips. Willy reaches back to put a hand on Auston’s thigh. Oh. 

Auston cups Willy’s cheek in his hand to close the gap between them and presses a kiss to his neck. Willy gasps. 

“Matty, do that again.” 

Willy asked, so of course he has to. 

He gets up and even though the floor digs into his knees, he rests his arms on either side of Willy’s head and leans down to kiss his neck again. When he sucks on the spot just below his chin, Willy arches his back and lets out a shaky breath. This is so different from kissing Zach. He shouldn’t think about Zach right now. Zach is okay with Auston seeing other people, they’ve talked about this. Auston’s going to talk to him tomorrow. Auston lifts Willy’s chin with his index finger to kiss his mouth. Willy wraps his arms around his neck and licks into his mouth. Auston shivers. He’s running a hand up and down Willy’s torso when Willy blurts out, “come home with me.” 

Willy asked, so of course he has to. 

*

As soon as they get in the dorm, Willy is on him. But kissing him gently, like he’s not sure if Auston has changed his mind. A lock of blonde hair tickles Auston’s cheek. It’s dumb, but that’s the moment Auston realizes they have never been this close before when they weren’t dancing. He brushes it behind Willy’s ear and nips at his earlobe. He can feel Willy’s breath hot against his neck, Willy’s hand pulling at his belt; they’re still in the doorway. 

Auston pushes Willy up against the wall and puts a hand under one of his thighs to hoist him up and align their hips better. The plus of making out with a dancer: flexibility. Willy has his eyes closed and the back of his head is leaning on the wall behind him. His mouth is parted. Willy looks so—open. Not like an open wound or anything, but like an open palm. You only really hold out the soft, vulnerable part of your hand to someone you trust and that’s what Willy looks like he is doing right now. It feels like a big deal that Auston is allowed to trace his tongue along Willy’s bottom lip and make Willy moan and buck his hips a little. 

“What do you want to do?” Willy almost whispers as Auston starts to kiss a trail from his cheek to his collar bone. 

“You’ve been so stressed for the past few weeks…is it okay if I make you not think about that for a while?” Auston runs his teeth on the spot right under Willy’s jaw and it makes Willy grab onto the collar of Auston’s shirt. 

“Yes.” Willy still has his eyes closed. Auston puts his other hand under Willy’s other thigh to properly pick him up and carry him onto the bed. He lays Willy down gently and crawls on top of him. 

“Can I…” Auston brings his hand up to the back of Willy’s head and touches the ribbon in his hair lightly. 

“Oh, um yeah sure,” Willy smiles easy and lifts his head up a little so that Auston can carefully pull the strip of fabric off. Willy shakes out his hair and Auston’s heart might explode of fondness. 

“Better?” Auston says while twirling a fly away hair around a finger. 

“Oh look at that, you have me wrapped around your finger,” Willy gives him a shit eating grin. 

“I do not, you can do whatever you want.”

“I want to be here.”

“Me too.”

“That’s – good. That’s really good Matty. Shirt off please.” Willy tugs at the hem and Auston obliges. 

They kiss for a long time and the rest of their clothes join Auston’s shirt on the ground. Auston thinks he could stay like this forever, trapped between Willy’s legs. Any trace of whatever nervousness Willy had when they first got into the room has melted away and Willy’s whole body is vibrating underneath him. All shaky breaths, desperate lips, and wanting hands that urgently need to hold onto Auston. Willy’s grinding against Auston’s thigh all filthy and Auston is in the middle of thinking how he might actually die when Willy grabs his chin, eyes all dark, “Matts you’re killing me, please touch me.” Can you die from smiling? 

“So bossy.” Auston spreads his hand where Willy’s leg meets his hip and presses down. Willy makes this yelping sound. Willy gulps and slowly opens his eyes to look up at Auston again. He looks totally taken apart. 

“Willy, you look so good right now.” Willy scoffs and a blush envelopes his already flushed face. 

“You trying to butter me up, Matts?” 

“Nope, just trying to get you off.” And that shuts Willy right the fuck up. He grabs onto the back of Auston’s neck and kisses him hard. Auston reaches between the two of them and takes both of them into his hand. Willy’s breath catches in his throat. 

Auston loves the way Willy’s eyes flutter shut right before he comes. 

Ch 2

Auston’s breathing is slow and rhythmic next to Willy. He’s been asleep for a while. He’s pretty out because he hasn’t stirred at all since he started receiving so many goddamn text messages. Willy keeps almost drifting off and then getting startled by the vibrations of Auston’s phone on the bedside table. The screen lights up for a few seconds each time and makes this weird blue light in the room like they are under water. At first Willy is annoyed, but then he gets bored. And then he gets curious. Auston is completely passed out and it’s not that big of a deal. Willy tells himself he’ll just peak at the screen the next time it lights up. Almost on cue, it does. Willy sits up. 

Zach: Your loss man. Nighty night

That’s the most recent one. Willy picks the phone off the table to get a closer look and realizes that they are all from Zach. Willy hates himself as he scrolls to the bottom of the notification list to see them from the beginning. 

Zach: I’m drunk. Hurry up and get the fuck home.   
Zach: Aus  
Zach: Auston  
Zach: I’m bored  
Zach: We should hang out  
Zach: Barzie threw up in the pot of that weird bushy tree you hate in the lobby  
Zach: he said to tell you you’re welcome  
Zach: Matts aren’t you getting tired yet? You should come to bed  
Zach: Your loss man. Nighty night

Willy’s a shit friend. And his bed feels too small. There’s not enough room for Willy here. It takes forever for Willy to fall asleep. 

*

They wake up late. Shit. 

Willy wakes up first and he doesn’t really have time to process the fact that Auston is sleeping naked next to him. Cheek pressed into the pillow. Nose touching Willy’s shoulder. Arm slumped over Willy’s chest like it’s been there all night. Auston doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s just sleeping. It’s like that time Auston fell asleep on Willy’s stomach while they were watching a movie. He had moved off of Willy so fast when Zach had walked into the room. Auston does not want this. Willy feels like crying, but who has time for that? Babs is going to fucking kill them.

“Fuck – Matts – Practice in 20 minutes!” His voice is wrecked from not sleeping that well. 

Auston groans softly, “Huh?” Willy shakes the arm over his chest. 

“We’re going to miss our duet session!” 

Now Auston’s eyes shoot open, “Fuck.”

*

“Good morning,” their coach says without looking up from his phone. It would be an understatement to say that warm up is uncomfortable. 

It’s the worst rehearsal they have ever had and it’s all Willy’s fault. He just can’t feel where Auston is at all. As soon as Auston steps out of view or when Willy is turning, it’s like Willy loses his depth perception. He’s stepping on Auston’s feet and bumping into him, or ending up too far out of arms reach, dancing off time. It just keeps getting worse as the hour goes on. And the lifts are just – atrocious. And the longer they rehearse, the more frustrated Auston seems to get. Auston is usually so patient and can deal with the largest amount of Willy’s shit out of anyone, but today Auston just seems angry. 

You know who else is angry? Mike Babcock. 

Willy swears he’s trying his hardest but it just feels like the more he pirouettes the more he feels like he is unravelling. 

*

“Boys, realistically, this routine won’t be ready for the Grand Prix. We’re just going to have to strike it and put in Werenski and Barzal’s pas de deux.” Babcock’s words echo over and over again in Willy’s head. Auston and him are changed and heading down the stairwell when Auston suddenly speaks up. 

“Why don’t you trust me?” 

“What?”

“Why haven’t you ever trusted me in our duet? Like what’s the point of us being partners if you can’t do that?” Auston’s breathing a little fast, all frazzled and looking for a fight, but Willy doesn’t know why he’s doing this exactly. It makes him so mad. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say? Sorry? Sorry I’m not a perfect dancer like you. Sorry I fucked up your chances for the competition.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Auston scowls. Oh, now Willy is really mad. 

“I don’t know, you come here after spending a year in a French dance troop and think you need to give me private tutoring lessons before rehearsal because I’m not good enough for you.”

“I wasn’t tutoring you last night, we were just rehearsing. You’ve been acting super weird around me for days and I thought that practicing alone together would make things a little less intimidating.” 

“Right because I’m so fucking fragile.” 

“I never said that, Jesus, I was just trying to be a good friend.” 

And then it hits Willy. Hits him like a grand piano falling on his head. He knows how important this competition is for both of their future careers. It’s an opportunity for scholarships, for getting recognized by the most important people in the dance world. And they would both do anything to join a national ballet company. Anything at all. 

“Did you have sex with me last night so that we could bond or something?”

“What?”

“Like did you want us to sleep together so that we could have more chemistry?” Willy is so stupid. 

“What the fuck Willy – No, of course not. I didn’t plan any of it – ”

“Was it supposed to make it less intimidating for me?”

“Now wait a minute, that’s not fair, you’re the one who asked me to come back to your room, you can’t just twist things around like that – ”

“I wouldn’t have invited you if I knew this was your intention.” Auston’s face gets all blurry because it’s swimming in the tears that fill Willy’s eyes. He is the biggest idiot on the planet. He has never felt so dumb in his life. 

“Willy,” Auston’s voice softens, but Willy doesn’t buy into it this time. Last night on the floor of the dance studio in Auston’s arms, between Auston’s thighs in the darkness of his room, he had believed it, but not now. A sob escapes his mouth and in shock and embarrassment he covers it with his hand. 

“Holy shit Willy, that’s not true, I swear. Please – Willy please just look at me, I didn’t mean – ” Auston tries to lift up Willy’s chin but he shudders away from his touch. 

“I don’t want to be your dance partner anymore,” Willy blurts out before practically sprinting down the stairs. He can barely see anything with hot tears streaming down his face. All he can think about is how a few weeks ago, Auston had reached up and brushed a piece of hair out of his mouth and Willy had thought that, just maybe, there was something there.

*

There’s a knock at Willy’s door. 

“Go away.” Willy wraps the blanket more tightly around his shoulders and slumps further into his pillows. It’s been three days and Connor Brown, his roommate, is definitely sick of seeing his sulking. And crying, probably. Maybe not sick of the latter just yet. He’s been bringing Willy hot chocolate and keeps reminding Willy that he thinks Auston’s a loser whenever he leaves for rehearsal. Willy’s been skipping some rehearsal. He feels like shit about it. He’s only been skipping the classes he shares with Auston and Zach. Which is most of them. And to make things even better, Babcock saw him in the hallway this morning while going to contemporary which he does not have with Auston and Zach. Willy thinks he had a little bit of a heart attack when Babcock’s eyebrows became one eyebrow and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

“Willy, you look terrible. Have you been sick?” That’s one way to put it, yeah.

“I’m sorry I missed rehearsal so much. I’ve been…puking.” 

Babcock narrows his eyes. “Alright, son. I just hope that this doesn’t have to do with what happened a few days ago. It’s my fault I pushed you too much for something you weren’t ready for yet. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Willy nods and gives a smile that he hopes looks convincing. Great. Now he has to go to rehearsal tomorrow. Amazing. And now Willy is back in bed sulking. He doesn’t want to move until he has to go to rehearsal tomorrow. 

The knocking continues at the door. 

“Fuck off, please.” Coach talked to Auston and has made him come check on him. He knows it. Willy has about 20 texts and 5 missed calls from him asking if they can talk. 

The motherfucker knocks again.

“Oh my god, Auston!”

“It’s not Auston.” Huh. 

“Come in.” The door opens and Zach Werenski is standing in his doorway. The first thing that pops into Willy’s head is that line from Scott Pilgrim “I’ve kissed the lips that kissed you.” He needs to stop watching movies with Connor Brown. 

“What?” Willy asks as he sits up. 

“Auston doesn’t know I’m here. Can I sit?” Willy narrows his eyes and nods slowly. Zach walks over and sits at the edge of Willy’s bed politely. Zach and Willy are the type of acquaintances who only see each other as often as they do because they happen to have similar commitments in the same places, and have mutual friends. Willy realises that this is the first time that they have had a conversation without Auston or anyone else being present. It’s okay. Willy isn’t a very calm person, but Zach is. So it makes things okay. 

“I’m sorry,” Zach says. 

“What for?” 

“For…making things complicated,” Zach says while looking at Willy directly in the eye. He’s so honest it makes Willy a little self-conscious. 

“No— Zach,” Willy closes his eyes and lets out a little pathetic laugh, “I’m the – I’m the person who is in the way. Auston should have gone back home that night after rehearsal. It’s my fault.”

“Willy.”

“No, I’m serious. I fucked everything up between the two of you. You probably hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Well…I would hate me…” Willy says as he plays with a small piece of thread that has come loose on his shirt sleeve. 

Zach grabs his hand and squeezes it. Willy stops breathing at the sudden contact and looks up again. 

“Willy I’m not mad at you. And I’m sure that Auston isn’t either,” Zach pauses before he adds, “Are you mad at us?”

“I’m definitely not mad at you.”

“That’s good to know.”

“But I am…upset about what happened with… uh… with Auston.”

“Okay.”

“But I’m sure he told you everything already.” 

“No. I haven’t really seen much of him in the last couple of days, actually.” Willy narrows his eyes. That’s definitely not normal.

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure. He’s been missing a lot of rehearsal.” 

“If…if Auston’s been missing rehearsal and so have I, how do you know he’s not mad at me?” 

“Because I don’t think that would be humanly possible for Matts.” Willy furrows his brow and pouts. Zach chuckles. 

“Willy, seriously, he’s crazy about you, you have to know that already,” Zach says with a lot of fondness.

“Auston doesn’t like me like that,” Willy says a little too quickly. 

“Look, whatever happened between you two, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“Auston doesn’t think that I trust him,” Zach nods, “I just feel like…I wasn’t allowed to trust him, you know? Like I wasn’t allowed to be on that level with him. Like there was always this distance between us that I couldn’t…” Willy stops himself. He can’t bring himself to tell Zach about the argument Auston and Willy had in the stairwell. It’s just too much. 

“Auston and I are just better off as friends,” Willy finishes.

“Is that what you want?”

“It doesn’t matter –”

“Is that what you want, Willy?” 

Willy rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath, “No.”

“You need to tell him that, he would want to know.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“Auston’s a good bro, and bros are supposed to look after each other.”

“That’s it?” 

“Ya buddy, that’s it.”

*

Willy nearly trips and eats shit when he gets up to answer a knock on his door that evening. He has his blanket wrapping around him like a cocoon when he opens the door. He had been so immersed in thinking about his conversation with Zach that he forgot that there was a possibility that it was Auston at his door. And it is Auston with so much takeout in his hands he cannot figure out how he managed to knock on the door in the first place. It smells like Indian food. Apology food. 

“You answered the door,” Auston says a little out of breath. Willy missed him. And his heart is so full because he misses him, and because he is mad about missing him, and because of all the confusing things Zach told him earlier. Willy steps out of the doorway to let him in. Auston pads over to Willy’s bed cautiously and Willy just watches. When Auston looks over his shoulder as if asking for permission to sit down, Willy is still holding the door open. 

“I’m gonna need your help otherwise I’m gonna drop all these takeout boxes on your bed. Cumin smells very strong.” Auston’s babbling. He’s nervous. At least it makes Willy move. 

They sit and eat in silence for a while. 

“Willy for fucks sake.”

“I’m sorry,” Willy swallows his mouthful, “it’s just…you’re here. I never thought you’d be here ever again.”

“Do you not want me to be?”

Willy tends to jump into things. And being with Auston feels like jumping blindly into what you think is going to be a puddle and is actually a giant swimming pool. In December. It’s both terrifying and exhilarating. It makes Willy want to climb out just to jump in again. In the stairwell, Willy felt like he had jumped in and couldn’t tell which way was up anymore. And he’s realizing sitting across from Auston on his bed right now that Auston feels exactly the same way. Auston’s not nervous, he’s scared. Willy’s never seen Auston scared. It’s not great. 

“You’re my best friend,” Willy says before he can stop himself. 

“I miss you,” Auston whispers. Willy’s heart is so full it might just explode. 

Auston clears his throat before continuing, “I know I’m not the best at talking about how I feel, but I would never hurt you. I obviously did, but… I just wanted you to know that I wanted you. I – I still want you.”

“I’m shit about talking about my feelings too, so I don’t think I’m really allowed to be mad or anything… but sometimes… especially when you’ve been having sleepovers with other boys with dreamy eyes, it helps if you um – keep me updated? Especially if dreamy boys send you texts late at night and yahoos like me get bored and may accidently see some questionable messages.” Willy has his eyes tightly shut. 

“Willy – Willy I’m so sorry,” Auston says as he tentatively puts his hands on Willy’s shoulders and rubs slowly. It feels nice. Willy relaxes a little and Auston puts his hands on the back of Willy’s neck. Willy just lets himself feel Auston’s touch for a second before continuing, “I know you told me you were just friends, and I believe you, it’s just – it looked a little suspicious you know? I’m sorry I invaded your privacy.”

“No – Willy, it’s fine. I should have explained,” Auston says. His hands are still all warm against the back of his neck. “I just hope that I didn’t jeopardize your chances at the Grand Prix, because if anyone deserves a full ride, it’s you.”

“What?”

“Willy you’re the best dancer I’ve ever seen. I think that’s why I got so mad the other day. Dancing with you has been the best part about being at this academy. You try the craziest shit I have ever seen and – and – dancing with you feels like I’m carrying your heart in my hands and it’s so dangerous. I don’t want to let anyone else have that job because I don’t want to let anyone else fuck that up… but I also want you to keep dancing like that because it’s – perfect – and the other day in rehearsal…I knew you were mad at me, but I thought it was because…of us hooking up. And I thought I had ruined everything and that you would never trust me ever again. So I guess I was mostly just mad at myself which is so unfair, I shouldn’t have yelled –” 

Willy kisses Auston. Auston inhales sharply and then tangles his fingers in Willy’s hair. It’s really different from their last kiss. Last time, Willy felt like he needed to soak up every detail and every touch because he wasn’t sure if it would ever happen again. But this time, it feels like the beginning of something. 

They break apart a few minutes later, but keep their foreheads pressed together. Willy’s hands are on Auston’s chest and he can feel his heart beating steadily. 

“Barzie’s gonna throw a fit when he finds out,” Willy grins. Auston grins back. 

“So is Connor, he’s been giving me the dirtiest looks in rehearsal recently,” Auston blushes. 

Willy rubs his thumb on his red cheeks, “Connor’s a good bro. So is Werenski. He came to see me this morning actually.” 

“Ya, he told me. We had a good chat earlier.”

“Everything cool?” 

“It’s all good in the hood.”

“Dear God, Matts.” Willy fake gags. 

They end up finishing their cold takeout and watching The Sopranos which Auston insisted they watch because it’s a classic or whatever. Willy doesn’t care, as long as he can be curled up against Auston’s chest. They definitely still have a lot to talk about and a lot to figure out, but that can happen tomorrow. Willy is perfectly content tonight with Auston playing with his hair absentmindedly as Willy starts to doze off.

*

**Author's Note:**

> warning: after consensual sexy times a character thinks that said sexy times were intended to manipulate him. he's upset about it, but it doesn't cause anxiety or anything of the sort.


End file.
